if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
