i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize