dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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