just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
