sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
