I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
