JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
