I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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