She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
