I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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