btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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