in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
