Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
