it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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