Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
