Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize