i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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