Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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