she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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