i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
