Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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