Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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