make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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