it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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