She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
