listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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