Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
