What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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