youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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