Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
