there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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