There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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