I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
