I looked at my own cervix.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
