I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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