it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
