I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
