i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
