well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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