Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
