you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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