She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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