Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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