Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
