just come out here and I will go home with you...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize