I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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