I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
