Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
