Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
