I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
