I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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