i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
