We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
