thus making me awesome and them whores
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
