FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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